Loving an Addict

Everybody sees the Addiction
We watch the addict slowly die
The pattern of behavior
You see it in their eyes

What starts out as a party
Always ends in the same way
The addict keeps on going
Without any friends to play.

Eventually they’ll notice
That they are now alone
All their friends have been replaced
By people without homes

Addiction will take everything
Because they place it first
If they could love more than the drug
We could all avoid this curse.

Never give them money
Always stand your ground
Listen to them carefully
Sometimes it’s only sound

They need to ask the question
There comes a time to choose
Do you want to live this life
Sneaking off to use?

It’s best they lose your number
Enabling them isn’t wise
You’re the brunt of all their anger
You get to witness their demise.

They don’t want to hurt you
They just want their fix.
The poison of their choosing
The cycle makes me sick

We go to their funeral
Gloss over all the crud
But secretly remember
They gave their life for a drug.
BjM 12-8-15

Chasing

How do you spend your life?
Chasing the next high
You know it won’t be found
That well has run dry

Need and desperation
Are the voids you fill?
Self medicating
Crushing your will

Be it on substance or lights
Or things that go whirr
Part of the need that you crave
Is the upset you stir?

Crisis abound
Abundant and clear
All this commotion
To mask off your fear

The lesson you find
May not be what you seek
You can’t be too choosy
When your future looks bleak

The life that you waste
May it be only your own?
But we all know
You’ll wreck many a home

So chase all your highs
Throw your dreams in a ditch
For life’s what you make it
And that is a bitch.
BjM 3-5-09

Begin to End

As a baby I cried out
It got me attention
There never was a doubt

As a toddler I acted up
They oh’ed and awed
Said I was cute as a pup

I started school became the class clown
The role suited me
I had the act down

As a teenager they called me bad
They used to encourage this behavior
So why are they getting mad?

As a young adult out on my own
Feeling sorry for myself
Getting hit by the curves that life has thrown

Finally; an adult at last
Heading towards the future
Trying to drop the scars of the past

The baggage is heavy, it weighs me down
It leads me right into
The shadiest part of town

I find others like me, carrying bags of old
Down here everyone has them
We display them like gold

We all fill our bodies with toxic potions
Helps to lighten the baggage
Soothing us like the sound of the ocean

It works for a while then we need more
We will steal and we will beg
Until you get tired of slamming the door

Middle age won’t find me for I will be dead
A life wasted on self-pity
Such a shame they all said

Please close the casket it’s too late for me
Don’t race through your life
Save your self now, stop to breathe and set yourself free
BjM 7-16-05

It would not die

The lights went down and we sat in silence for a moment. The curtain opened to a young woman sat alone in the middle of the stage, a single spotlight upon her. A simple maiden’s dress had never made such a statement, her hair was brown and long hiding her face as she slowly lifted her head and spoke.

I used to have it all - you know
That was before it was my time to go
A house a car a Yukon too
I could buy all I wanted, even a ski-doo
I had to run I had to hide
I had a pain that was deep inside
I tried to kill it but it would not die
I had to medicate it I don’t know why

I don’t expect you to understand
Its not up to you, it’s my hand
It’s a mistake, I should know more
I’ve traveled down this road many times before
The life of an addict is what I had to choose
I can’t win when I’m expected to loose
I see that smirk upon your face
You don’t understand the demons that I chase

I see your face the shame in your eyes
For me you are, just another good bye
I know I hurt you, I hurt me too
You can grow from yours; I will do what I do
Go on now; time to carry on with your life
Hey take care of the biz, the kids and my wife
I’ll be back you never have to worry
I will repay your good deed with my rage of fury

I’ll take what you give and then take some more
I’ll cheat and I’ll lie to settle the score
Who do you think you are, saying no to me
I will show you how vengeful I can be
I will sue you to get all you have
I like to hurt others just for a laugh
When people tire and support me no more
I’ll just get the enablers to enable some more
BjM 3-15-05

I do not begrudge you for your past I do however begrudge you for your future.